More than three weeks into this and yes, I absolutely crave certain foods, but what I crave more than all of them combined is the convenience of someone else making dinner for our family.

My kid’s school sending out a YouTube video of morning announcements every day that includes the pledge of allegiance feels like some seriously dystopian shit given the circumstances.

Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal might be able to put a shirt on while doing a handstand, but Iā€™m eating Doritos, so I win.

Fridge pickles cooling in an ice bath.

[timer alarm goes off]

Me: HEY SIRI, SHUT UP.

[timer alarm stops]

Me: Well, I feel like an asshole now.

A friend of mine is spending his Saturday scouring eBay for face masks and reporting them for price gouging.

Dude’s a hero.

I’m wondering how I could automate such a thing.

Not gonna lie: I’d commit a felony to get some good boneless wings right about now.

Here’s a stupid thing:

At my local Buffalo Wild Wings, I was given the nickname The Scorpion King because I repeatedly came in and ordered their scorpion pepper wings and ate them without issue.

I miss Buffalo Wild Wings.

We’re out of mac and cheese. My youngest loves mac and cheese.

10 million people filed for unemployment over the last two weeks and yet the Dow closes today up nearly 500 points. Nothing makes sense.

Our dog has decided that toilet paper is her new favorite snack and NO DOG NO NOT NOW.

I just read that CNN omitted Trump’s opening remarks from today’s White House briefing.

LOL

More outlets should do this. šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘

My 5-year-old is teaching my 7-year-old how to kick ass at Kirby on the Switch and I could not be prouder of both of them.

It occurred to me this morning that the guys from that WASSUUUUP commercial were practicing good social distancing. Maybe we need a PSA featuring them.

I want to see Thom Yorke on Great British Bake-Off.

cough

SW-3368-2705-3017

If the last couple of months has taught me anything, it’s that a real zombie apocalypse won’t happen in a matter of days or weeks. It’ll be slow, much like what we’re seeing now.

Our oldest now has a Kindle. Early birthday present to help her weather the quarantine.

I suspect we’ll only see her now when she needs additional books or her device charged. šŸ˜¢

I’ve managed to write a short blog post once a day for the last two weeks, which I haven’t done in years. Feels good to be writing again, though I wish the impetus for doing so we’re less grim.

Everyone seems unimpressed with the new iPad, which is weird, because it seems pretty impressive to me.

There should be a cutoff date for tech reviewers. You get five years, tops. After that, you’re jaded and need to stop for a while.

This little guy is making me happy. We put the bottom of a head of romaine in water and it started growing almost immediately. Salad soon.

404 Sleep Not Found

Days run together. Hours have no meaning.

Time is a flat circle.

Our neighbors are having a party with a bunch of friends.

This is what happens when state and local government do nothing to emphasize the seriousness of the current moment.

Just…just stay inside. It’s the easiest thing you can possibly do. Why is this so hard for people?!