Of course, a couple hours ago, I found our oldest reading her Kindle under a blanket when she should have been asleep. Simultaneously annoying and endearing. 🤓

Everyone in my house is asleep. It’s quiet and I can hear my kids snoring upstairs. ❤️

Oh, John Bolton wrote that Trump did a bunch of naughty things?

Neat! His base will label it fake news and it’ll have zero impact politically.

Which is what would have happened if he had testified.

Have you ever hated a code base so much that you wanted to print it out just so you could light it on fire?

I have.

Anybody have a hey dot com invite?

I knew I was old when I saw an X-Men movie in the theaters and it mentioned an internet meme and I didn’t get the joke because I hadn’t seen the meme.

Happy Flag Day!

Football and basketball are extensions of white supremacy.

Fight me.

Apple Music suggested a playlist of Limp Bizkit songs and all I could think was HOW DARE YOU.

I will teach my kids that trans people aren’t a threat despite what famous authors think.

I will teach them that bigotry of any kind is unacceptable.

I will teach them to teach your kids.

I will teach my children that Columbus was horrible.

I will teach them that the Confederacy was a bumbling bunch of hatemongers that lost badly and deserved what they got and then some.

I will teach them that everyone is equal.

A movie I want to see: Sarah Silverman and Ryan Reynolds in a buddy cop movie. Their chief is Bruce Willis. Someone please make this happen.

Does anyone know how to cause deep, systemic change in America that doesn’t follow this pattern?

1) Get disgustingly rich 2) Fund causes 3) Change!

Reading heavy metal news is weird these days. It’s all pictures of really old white guys and obituaries.

Thanks, ice cream truck, for driving by during a pandemic and making me look like an asshole when I told my kids ABSOLUTELY NOT.

Getting suuuuuper tired of waking up to this every single day.


If you haven’t taken a microfiber cloth to every screen in your home, have you really been in quarantine?

George Lucas: “Watch me utterly ruin the childhoods of my fans.”

J.K. Rowling: “Hold my pint.”

Finally watched Suicide Squad.

What a terrible movie.

War Pigs / Luke’s Wall by Black Sabbath music.apple.com/us/album/…

Our Shih Tzu behaves unlike any other dog I’ve had. She hasn’t chosen a favorite person. She treats all of us like equals in her pack. Even the kids.

Well, okay, she thinks my wife is her mom. But still!

Tom Cotton is running virtually unopposed in November. What can we do to get a Dem to run against him?

Steve King got primaried. Great.

Now: how do we get rid of Tom Cotton?

Textmoji but for Messages.app.